Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who make the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon, from New York, says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.” The second, from Chicago, responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them…

A pastor found a Baboon that could talk. So he taught it how to sing, pray and preach. At one Sunday service, the pastor says to the congregation, “The Baboon is going to pray today”. The Baboon sits still and the pastor repeats but the Baboon did not respond. After the service pastor asks. “Why…

Little Brandon and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother’s house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Brandon received his plate, he started eating right away. “Brandon! Please wait until we say our prayer!” said his mother. “I don’t need to,” the boy replied. “Of…

A guy stumbles through the front door of a bar, ambles up to the bartender and orders a beer. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and says, ”I’m sorry sir, but I can’t serve you… you’ve already had too much to drink.” The guy swears and walks out of the bar. Five minutes…

Jack came home after playing a round of Sunday golf. “How was your golf game, dear?” asked his wife, Lillian. “Well I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight’s gotten so bad I couldn’t see where the ball went.” “Well you’re 75 years old now, Jack, why don’t you take my brother Scott along?” suggested…

A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things – chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with. Finally,…

A man’s wife had some lab work done by their doctor but couldn’t get in to pick up the results so she asked her husband to stop at the clinic for her. He goes in and tells the receptionist that he’s Mr. Smith and he’s here to pick up his wife’s lab results. The receptionist…

Four Indian men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse approaches the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.” “Isn’t that strange,” answers the man. “I work for M2 Coaches!” A nurse then yells at the second man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!” “That’s…

A young couple were on their honeymoon and were staying at a hotel with a large swimming pool. They decided to go for a swim, and the bride donned a new bikini that she had recently purchased. As she swam and splashed around in the pool, she soon discovered that the bikini was too large,…

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water….