A portly middle-aged man boards his plane to fly from New York to Toronto. On reaching his seat, he is surprised to see a parrot strapped in on the seat next to him. Once the flight takes off, he asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, “And get me a whisky you…

There was a nun whose old body began to surrender to time. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day to relax her. Not to be lured into “worldly pleasures,” she huffily declined. But the Mother Superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the kitchen to spike…

A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure. He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out. The genie said, “I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double.” The man agreed, and said, “I wish I had a mansion.” The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got…

Benny the reporter checks in at some old hotel smack in middle of nowhere after hours of driving. Coming into the lobby, he is confronted with the strange sight of an old Indian, whittling stick, long black hair, reddish skin, sitting on one of the chairs as if he intends never to get up. “That’s…

Roper James, an Australian lawyer from Melbourne was on a short vacation in a small country town. While walking through the streets on a quiet Sunday morning, he came upon a large crowd gathered by the side of the road. Going by instinct, Roper James figured that there was some sort of traffic accident. He…

The young wife went into labor while her husband was overseas serving in the war. The next day he got the news that his wife had delivered twins. He got to a phone and called her right away. “Oh honey, I’m so happy,” he said. “Who took you to the hospital?” “Your brother, Joe, drove…

A city man was visiting a small farm in rural North Carolina. While he was strolling around, taking in the sights of country living, he saw the farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off…

Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the report about one frog who called the Psychic Hotline: The frog asks the psychic, “When will I find a girlfriend?” The psychic says, “I see you are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know…

There was this gas station in redneck country, trying to increase its sales. One day, the owner came up with an idea and put up a sign saying “Free Sex with Fill-up.” Soon a redneck customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a…

Cameron brought his baby boy, Jaylen, to the pediatrician for his first checkup. As the doctor finished, he commented, “You have a cute baby.” Smiling and proud, Cameron answered, “I bet you say that to all new parents.” “No,” the doctor replied, “just to those whose babies really are good-looking.” “So what do you say…