Albert walks into a bar and sees his friend Norman at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching Norman, he comments, “You look terrible. What’s the problem?” “My mother died in August,” Norman said, “and left me $125,000.” “Gee, that’s tough,” replied Albert. “Then in September,” Norman continued, “my father died, leaving me $900,000.” “Wow. Two…

Bruce, sitting alone in his train compartment on a long journey, suddenly feels a nature call coming on strongly. He jumps up and runs down the corridor to the toilet. Trying frantically to open the door he sees a ragged piece of paper stuck to the unyielding door, informing him that it is ‘Out of…

A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: “Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person.” The following…

During a visit to her mother, who was in the hospital, Janet popped into the cafeteria for breakfast. She set a piece of bread on the moving toaster rack and waited for it to return golden brown. Instead, it got stuck all the way in the back. When she couldn’t reach it, the woman in line next…

A couple of guys from West Virginia are out in the woods hunting when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, “Bubba is dead! What…

A famed English explorer was invited to a meeting at Oxford University to tell of his adventures in the African jungle. He dives into his speech and challenges his audience by saying, “Can you imagine, a people so primitive that they love to eat the embryo of certain birds, and slices from the belly of…

A woman in Atlanta answered her front door and found little Trinity and Tyler standing there, holding a list. “Lady,” explained Trinity, “we are on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar.” “Wow,” the woman replied….

During a baseball game, the coach called Brandon, one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside. He asked him, “Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?” “Yes, coach,” replied little Brandon. “Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?” The little boy nodded in the…

The nurse asked Bob to remove his clothing and put on a gown before he gets checked by the doctor. “In front of you?” he asks shyly. The nurse says: “Well no, but I’ve seen the naked human body before.” The man said, “Not one like mine. You’d die laughing at my naked body.” “Of…

Two elderly women were fussing about their husbands over tea one day. “I do wish my Leroy would stop biting his nails. It makes me terribly nervous watching him,” said the first one. “Oh, my Elmer used to do the same thing,” the other woman commented. “But I broke him of that habit real quick.”…