Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m. I discovered that it had not been one of my wife’s better days. Nothing I said or did seemed to be right. By 7 p.m., things had not changed, so I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just gotten home, and start all…

Harvey is standing in a bar in Darwin drinking, when his mate walks in. They get to talking and at 10:00 he says, “It’s been great, but I better get home. The wife doesn’t like me to stay out late drinking.” Riley’s immediate response is, “You aren’t doing it right. Do what I do. Go…

A guy is sitting at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He’s slamming tequila left and right. He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who was sitting next to him can’t believe that the guy had just done that. He is even more…

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. “First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector,” says the Coroner. “Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a…

An elderly Scottish woman is driving her husband to a doctor’s appointment. A police officer pulls her over for speeding. He approaches the vehicle and attempts to explain that he stopped her for speeding. She looks at her husband and asks, “What did he say?” The husband replies, “He said he stopped you for speeding.”…

The pastor’s wife was expecting her second baby. So he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise in view of the cost another child entailed. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher’s family expanded, so would his paycheck. A few years later, after six children, this started to get expensive and…

Three guys travel to Saudi Arabia for a holiday and ride into the desert. They find an oasis and get off their camels. They walk into a tent that they think is the one they rented. But actually belongs to a prince with 3 hot wives. They start to relax but when the prince shows…

Gravely ill, the Skipper was examined by a doctor while his wife stood by. After the examination the physician motioned for her to meet him in the hallway. “Your husband is very sick,” the doctor said. “Still, you can do three things to ensure his survival: First, fix him three healthy meals a day. Next,…

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, “Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we…

Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies group bake sale, but she forgot to do so until the last minute. She scuttled into the kitchen, threw together the ingredients real fast and baked an angel food cake. When she took it from the oven, she saw the center had dropped flat. She…