During a service at a synagogue when the Shema prayer was said, half the congregants stood up and half remained sitting. The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up. The rabbi, learned as he was in the Law…

A chemistry professor wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms. “Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed…

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every…

An elderly gentleman had been experiencing serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor…

A mother was working in the kitchen. She listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, “All of You B*****ds who want off, get off now, ‘cos we’re in a hurry! And all of you B*****ds who are…

A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name. And absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand. Just when he thinks things can’t possibly…

Paddy got a job as a Bus Driver and on his first morning he just sat at the Depot waiting. The Bus Inspector came over to see and asked what the problem was. Paddy said, “l’m waiting for the Ticket Conductor.” The Bus Inspector informed him that all the Buses were now One Man Buses….

Four friends, who hadn’t seen each other in 30 years, reunited  at a party… After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, “My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom…

An Alexander County Deputy pulled a car over on I-57 about 2 miles north of the Missouri stateline. When the Deputy asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Branson to do a show that night and didn’t…

The maid wanted an increase in pay. The Madam was very upset about this and asked: “Now Maria, why do you want an increase?” Maria: “Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you. Madam: “Who said you iron better than me?” Maria: “The…