A mother was working in the kitchen. She listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, “All of You B*****ds who want off, get off now, ‘cos we’re in a hurry! And all of you B*****ds who are…

A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name. And absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand. Just when he thinks things can’t possibly…

Paddy got a job as a Bus Driver and on his first morning he just sat at the Depot waiting. The Bus Inspector came over to see and asked what the problem was. Paddy said, “l’m waiting for the Ticket Conductor.” The Bus Inspector informed him that all the Buses were now One Man Buses….

Four friends, who hadn’t seen each other in 30 years, reunited  at a party… After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, “My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom…

An Alexander County Deputy pulled a car over on I-57 about 2 miles north of the Missouri stateline. When the Deputy asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Branson to do a show that night and didn’t…

The maid wanted an increase in pay. The Madam was very upset about this and asked: “Now Maria, why do you want an increase?” Maria: “Well Madam, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you. Madam: “Who said you iron better than me?” Maria: “The…

Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions… The letter states that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them. On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. “Tell me about your staff,” he…

There was a monastery perched high on a cliff. The only way to reach it was by riding in a basket, which several monks hauled up to the top. The ride was steep, and to those who visited, it was terrifying. One visitor was extremely nervous. Halfway up the ascent, he saw that the rope…

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class: “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?” No one answered so the teacher picked on a random student. Little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my…

One day, Orson and Cedric went to a steak house for dinner. They could select their steak before it was grilled as part of a special deal. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Cedric quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself. Orson wasn’t happy about that: “When will you learn to…