A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled…

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are out on a camping trip. They trudge all day, covering lots of miles. And finally decide, just as dusk is falling, that it’s time to set up camp for a night. They put up their tent, start a fire, cook a simple meal, eat, and both being exhausted from…

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. Cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought, “I must be losing my mind. I swear we just went through a red…

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen!…

A police officer called the station on his radio. “I have an interesting case here. And old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she has just mopped.” “Have you arrested the woman?” “Not yet. The floor’s still wet.” *** Customer: What would you recommend from the menu? Waitress: The beef tongue is…

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.” The priest asks, “Is that you, Little Johnny Pagano?” “Yes, Father, it is.” “And who was the girl you were with?” “I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.” “Well, Johnny, I’m sure to find out her…

During a service at a synagogue when the Shema prayer was said, half the congregants stood up and half remained sitting. The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up. The rabbi, learned as he was in the Law…

A chemistry professor wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms. “Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed…

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every…

An elderly gentleman had been experiencing serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor…