Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal*Mart when they collide: The first old guy says to the second guy. “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.” The second old guy says. “That’s OK. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my…

A Young Woman was preparing for her Wedding. She asked her Mother to go out and buy a Nice, Long Black Negligee and carefully place it in her Suitcase so it would not Wrinkle. Mom forgot her task, until the last minute, so she dashed out and could only find a Short Pink Nightee. She…

A man runs to the doctor and says, “Doctor, you’ve got to help me. My wife thinks she’s a chicken!” The doctor asks, “How long has she had this condition?” “Two years,” says the man. “Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?” asked the shrink. The man shrugs his…

Dear Son, I’m writing this slow ’cause I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won’t be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived…

One time I got sick and landed in hospital. There was this one particular nurse that just drove me crazy. Every time she came in, she would talk to me like I was a little child. She would say in a very patronizing tone of voice, and how are we doing this morning? Or, are…

A brothel owner, ‘Diamond D,’ began construction on an extension of her building to increase the ever-growing business. In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the business from expanding — with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church. Work on Diamond D’s progressed right up until the week before…

A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal. illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, “You can’t take it with you.” After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to…

Two men were out hunting, and as they were walking along, they came upon a huge hole in the ground. They approached it and were amazed at its size. The first hunter said, “Wow, that’s some hole. I can’t even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is.” The second hunter said, “I don’t…

A lady who was very lonesome bought a parrot from a pet store, complete with cage. Before purchasing it she got a guarantee that the parrot would talk. She took the parrot home. In a week and a half she returned to the store very disappointed. “The parrot doesn’t talk.” “Did you buy a mirror?”…

A married man was visiting his girlfriend when she requested he shaves his beard off. “Oh Paddy.” she said, “Please shave it off, I want to see all of your lovely face.” “I can’t,” said Paddy, “My wife loves this beard, she’d kill me if I shaved it off!” “Please!”…she pleaded in a sexy seductive…