There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of a sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat. As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a way off and he starts swimming like crazy. He’s scared to death,…

An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside. “Guido, I wan’ you lissina me. I want you to take-a my chrome plated 38 revolvers so you will always remember me.” “But grandpa, I really don’t like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?” You lissina…

A middle-aged man was tired of his job in the city and wanted a place where he could relax. So he decided to go to the seaside and buy a house. He found the perfect house and was about to buy it when his next-door neighbor to show up: a very fit, athletic 85-year-old man,…

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: “For Women Only.” Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. “We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor,…

A young couple move into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging up the washing outside. Wife: “That laundry isn’t very clean; she doesn’t know how to wash correctly Perhaps she needs better laundry detergent.” Her husband looks on, remaining silent. Every time her…

“If you had a dollar,” quizzed the teacher, “and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?” “One dollar.” answered little Johnny. “You don’t know your basic math.” said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed. Little Johnny shook his head too, “You don’t know my daddy.”

The other day I went over to a nearby Pharmacy. When I got there, I went straight to the back of the Store to where the Pharmacists Counter is located. I took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter. The Pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he…

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette and continues smoking. Lady 1: What’s that? Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet. Lady 1: Where did…

A Travel Agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old gentleman peering in the shop window at the many posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had been having a pretty good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling…

Monday morning in school and teacher is asking her class what they got up to over the weekend. Little Johnny puts his hand up, “Miss, Miss, I went to look on a farm Miss and I saw loads of animals.” The teacher replies, “Oh really Johnny, what animals did you see?” He answers, “There were…