An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area,” said…

Four old retired men are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, “Old Timers Bar – ALL drinks 10 cents.” They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that…

Dorothy and Edna, two “senior” widows, are talking. Dorothy: “That nice George Johnston asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer.” Edna: “Well, I’ll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually…

A man goes home and asks his wife, “If I won the lotto, what would you do?” She replies, “I’d you and take half.” The man pulls out a ticket, “I just won $10. Here’s five, now get out.”

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she…

A flat-chested young lady read an article in a magazine that stated Dr. Bumbutu in Africa could enlarge your breasts without surgery. So she decided to go to Dr. Bumbutu to see if he could help her. Dr. Bumbutu advised her, “Every day after your shower, rub your chest and chant, “Scooby doobie doobies. I…

There was a Japanese man who came to London for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!” After…

One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to Mental Hospital. He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down. When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain. As he can’t…

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of…

A Texan goes to Toronto for a vacation. There he grabs a cab at the airport and says he’s on his way to The Royal York Hotel. The Cabby heads downtown on his way he passes Queens Park. “What’s that?” says the Texan. “Oh! That’s Queens Park,” says the Cabby, “Its our Provincial Government, its…