They all arrive at the Pearly Gates and Saint Peter says “Let me ask you a question before admitting you to heaven.” To the first he says “My son, while on Earth did you lead a good life?” “Oh yes, ” says the first man,” I had thirty years of marriage to a wonderful woman…

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Alberta when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I…

Hitler was touring the countryside in his chauffeur-driven limo. Suddenly, a donkey jumped out onto the road, and they hit it full on and the car came to a stop. Hitler said to the chauffeur: ‘’You get out and check, you were driving.’’ The chauffeur got out, checked and reported that the animal was dead….

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. “You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside and…

A redneck is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says “Ma’am are you aware I could cite you for indecent exposure?” “Why?” asks the redneck. “Because your breast is hanging out” She looks down and says “OH MY GOD! I left the…

Three blondes were applying for the last available position in the Wyoming Sheriff’s Department. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, “So ya’ll want to be a cop, eh?” The blondes all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a file folder. Sitting back…

Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other’s health, one asked how the other’s husband was doing. “Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead…

A fifteen year old came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, “Where did you get that car?” He calmly told them, “I bought it today.” “With what money!?” demanded his parents. “We know what a Porsche costs.” “Well,” said the boy, “this one cost me fifteen dollars.” The parents…

The census taker knocked on Donna’s door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. “But everyone tells their age to the census taker,” he said. “Did my next door neighbours, Miss Maisy Hill and Miss Daisy Hill, tell you their ages?” she asked. “Certainly,” he replied. “Well, I’m…

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I…