Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, “Greetings, Earthling.  We come in peace.  Take us to your leader.” The gas pump, of course, didn’t respond. The younger alien became angry at…

A woman came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find her 5-year old son waiting for her at the door. Son: “Mommy, may I ask you a question?” Mom: “Yeah sure, what it is?” replied the woman. Son: “Mommy, how much do you make an hour?” Mom: “That’s none of your business. Why…

Three couples die at the same time and que up in the line for the pearly gates. The first couple approaches St. Peter, where he asks for the man’s name. “John Smith,” the man replies. “John Smith,” St. Peter repeats, flipping through his book. “John Smith, who was so in love with money that he…

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. “I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.” He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?” “No, she can order for herself.” And that’s when the fight started…..

Jesus is walking around heaven when he comes across an old, wizened man crying. Jesus approaches him and says, “What is there to cry about in Heaven, friend?” The old man looks at him and says, “You don’t understand. I was a carpenter in a small town. I had a son once, but I lost…

There were three Women stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated that it was about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, “I’m going to try to swim to shore.” She swam out five miles, and got really tired. She…

They all arrive at the Pearly Gates and Saint Peter says “Let me ask you a question before admitting you to heaven.” To the first he says “My son, while on Earth did you lead a good life?” “Oh yes, ” says the first man,” I had thirty years of marriage to a wonderful woman…

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Alberta when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I…

Hitler was touring the countryside in his chauffeur-driven limo. Suddenly, a donkey jumped out onto the road, and they hit it full on and the car came to a stop. Hitler said to the chauffeur: ‘’You get out and check, you were driving.’’ The chauffeur got out, checked and reported that the animal was dead….

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. “You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside and…