I walked into a rural pub in outback Australia, somewhere in Far North Queensland, and took my place at the bar next to an old timer who had a truly magnificent beard.
After a few cold ones, a bit of chat about the local area and the cattle station he worked at, I said to him. ” I have to say mate, your beard is really impressive!”
He smiles and replies “Thanks mate, would you like to know my secret?”
I replied emphatically to the affirmative, something along the lines of “Fucken oath I would!”
He leans in and says “The secret is; I mix honey and chicken-shit together in a bowl, and rub it into my beard every day.”
“Oh really! and thats why your beard is so bloody majestic?”
“Yeah fair dinkum” He continues “The honey makes the beard grow, and the chicken-shit stops me licking the honey out of me beard.”